Today I Want Permission To Feel Sad

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 It may look ( I sometimes portray) that my life is all smiles and I have figured it all out but behind the curtain their are tears and tantrums and anxiety attacks, judgements from surroundings,kitchen floor crying, late night coffee, heart breaks and exhaustion. 

And today, I want permission to feel sad.

Let's normalize being sad. I understand people's urge to fix things, offer advice, and encourage a positive perspective, but gosh, sometimes it all feels dismissive.

Sometimes I just want someone to tell me, "It sucks, I get it." 

Sometimes, I don't want to hear what worked for your long lost cousin's neighbor's family.

Sometimes, I don't want to hear what I could do better as a mom or as a person.

Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand- not too softly of course because it tickles..😀. and tell me, "I get it". Sometimes, all I want to hear is , "you're allowed to feel sad". Sometimes, I just want to know that I'm not alone.

I want to hear I'm not a bad mother if the weight of motherhood dawns on me and judgements from everywhere starts pouring in.

 I want to hear that I am not a bad person if I can't smile through it all, if I can't keep my pain inside. If I just snap or if I want to shout or scream or just cry.

Sometimes I just want permission to feel---to feel all things. The good, the bad and everything in- between.

I am a fierce advocate for my son. I am stubborn as a bull and I will never give up on him and his right to be included in every aspect of this society. I will always fight for him to get necessary accomodations. I will always adapt to his needs. And above all I will always love him with every fibre in my body.

But it's one of those days when I want to hear that it's okay not to be okay.

Today, I just want permission to feel sad.

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