Hope and a little autism

Imagine one morning, the kind of morning we’ve never known. When we wake up, and every person we come across is kind. The stranger, who usually rushes past without a glance, smiles instead, and in that smile,  You feel seen. You feel human, not invisible. The person ahead in the queue, who’s usually impatient, tapping their foot, checking their watch, turns, not with a frown, but with quiet understanding. They step aside, let you take your time, as if time is a thing meant to be shared, not hoarded. No rush. No hurry. Just space. The grumpy neighbor, always curt, always busy... We see him this time, for the first time, stroking a stray dog’s fur. His face softens, as if the years of hard edges are finally melting away, The weight of a thousand small frustrations dissolving in that simple act. The children, too... the ones who usually leave someone out, the ones who pass judgment on the shy kid.... today, they don’t. Instead, they invite. They pull the shy one in, with no pretense, ...

Self Care. It’s a phrase I’ve always rolled my eyes at a little bit. To me it conjures images of spa days (which I personally find about as relaxing as a dentist waiting room), mysterious collagen products (do you drink it? inject it? smear it on toast?) and high-protein everything. Mostly it feels like another industry built around monetising how tired and insecure mothers are.. Sleep they say is an  essential part of self care.  Sleep is an interesting concept. Before I was married, I believed sleep was something that happened every night. You lay down, close eyes and 8 hours later, you woke up refreshed .  Then I was married, and discovered that sleep was actually more of a negotiation. Sometimes a hostage situation. Occassionally a myth.   And between my work and  child's diagnosis, I realised sleep is actually a totally optional lifestyle choice....😏. But recently I attended a workshop on emotional regulation at work, and the clinical psychologist asked us...

 Today I want to write about something a bit heavier than usual. "Trust"... Recently someone sent me a video. It showed a child being restrained and beaten by a therapist in a therapy centre. Truly awful. I hope he’s in a really bad jail. And it brought up a question that sits quietly in the background of parenting: how do you trust someone with your child? This isn’t only a special needs parent problem. Every parent faces it at some point. Babies and toddlers can’t tell you if something is wrong. When we leave them with a babysitter or a nanny or a childcare centre, there’s always that moment of trust. If we keep them with us 24/7, then we have to trust ourselves — and anyone who has parented through exhaustion knows we’re not always operating at our best either. The reality is that most of us simply can’t do everything alone. I certainly can’t given my schedule. Sometimes I have to trust other people with my son. But the difference is that my son — despite being the exact s...

 Screen time is the big scary villain of any modern parenting especially autism parenting. iPads have officially made it to Toy Story 5 and if something becomes a Disney villain you know it’s a big Debate. So here’s my take. When my kid was little, I was one of those mums. You know the type. Too much education. Too many opinions. Too many colour-coded ideals. No screen time. No outside food Everything prepared by me. And Only wooden toys ... I remember more experienced parents quietly watching me like, “…you don’t actually have to live like this.” But I felt like I was in a competition. A secret, exhausting, invisible competition where you try to get top marks in motherhood. Breastfeeding = marks ✔️. ( I failed big time in that by the way) Cooking from scratch = ✔️ marks. No screens =  ✔️ marks. Educational toys = ✔️ marks. Reading constantly = ✔️ marks. I was aiming for a Distinction. Then kiddo  was diagnosed with Moderate autism..all my ideals went out of the wind...

 Lately, I have been having some impossible dreams.  I have so many contrasting thoughts and wishes.Truly I have no idea what I really want. But I have been trying to figure out what my perfect life would look like.  In my perfect life, I will be back to my full time corporate career. Doing the job I enjoyed before, full time, with full career progression. Even travelling if necessary. Doing intresting things, talking to intresting people ( and of course sometimes doing non interesting things and dealing with annoying people. A normal 40 hours week job rather than juggling multiple part time projects.  I see my son in the morning, drop him to his school and see him back around 7, just in time of dinner and bed. Meals, laundary, grocery shopping, and cleaning are all done by magical elves in this scenario 😏. The kid is picked up by a reliable babysitter or two who always turns up on time and preferably work for us for free 😁 while staying with us forever. The babysi...

   These are few of my favorite photos of my son, captured when he was yet to be diagnosed . Looking at these photo evokes memories of both easier and more challenging times.... I frequently get this question, " Does it get easier?" in relation to navigating the emotional complexities of an autism diagnosis. My response is a mix.  Certain aspects have become much more manageable with time. The once- constant urge to compare my son with other kids his age has reduced (not diminished completely though... I am still a work-in- progress here) . My son follows his own unique timeline, and I have learned to embrace that.  He has grown more vocal and communicates much more, much more independent in life  which is something I thank everyday for. His mathematical abilities amaze me . Being apart from him has become less anxiety-inducing . Over the years, witnessing the care and love his school teachers and therapists provide reassures me when he is not by my side. Howeve...