Autism And Theory Of Relativity

-

Autism and Theory Of Relativity







I have been thinking recently about grief. You see, I was having a coffee with a fellow experienced mom recently ( a mum to a teenager , diagnosed many years ago) and I happen to tell her  that I grieve everytime  I hear other children talking . I told her that everytime I take my son for a swimming lesson and while waiting for the swimming lesson to end , hearing other kids share their pool experiences , their little jibber jabber gives a strange pang of grief in my heart as my son still struggles to clearly articulate his basic needs. 

And then I asked her when does that feeling go away?

 she told me - Do you really want to know the truth? 

I was all ears and she said this -

"while listening to your story I felt grief too . I felt grief that your child could go to a swimming lesson (and shopping and movies) with very less or no fuss. And my child can't even leave the house without a highly trained , physically fit husband😁 . And even with him, I avoid pool, anything with unfenced water, the zoo, the mall, anywhere with queues and anywhere with no obvious appeal to him , certainly not with me since I am neither large enough , fast enough or strong enough to manage any meltdowns in public (not for years now).

I would give anything to be able to take my son along to the mall, even in a special wheelchair, or for him to understand what a school pick and drop is. Him talking is not even in my top 10 worries."

And she got me there. 

A lot of moms (especially those with newly diagnosed kids) feel that grief  and trust me the feeling is valid. I always tell others, ' there is no such thing as a bad or a  wrong feeling'. You can't control your feelings and you should always pay attention to them. There are only bad actions. 

And the triggering you feel today, it does fade out. I don't get it as sharply or as often as I did in the first two years of his diagnosis. It is also something I think most parents feel, to varying degrees. For example, another friend of ours who then joined our conversation, whose child has a liver condition, told us that she gets jealous by how healthy our kids are - that they can run and climb and eat well and are just the picture of health. Touch wood 😃😃.


My point is that many of us have that feeling, to some degree, or we wouldn't be human. And all of us have things in our lives that we take for granted, things that others would give anything for.

Also it has an antidote. The antidote is gratitude. In my case it's looking at my son's incredibly happy face as he kisses and hugs me ( he loves my blue sweater😆). I am so grateful for every little thing he has achieved and every small effort he has put in. I am grateful that he is so soft, sweet , and gives the best hugs. He just warms my soul.

P.S. - Isn't he the Cutest ?😊😊😊







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some Impossible Mommy Dreams

-
Image
 Lately, I have been having some impossible dreams.  I have so many contrasting thoughts and wishes.Truly I have no idea what I really want. But I have been trying to figure out what my perfect life would look like.  In my perfect life, I will be back to my full time corporate career. Doing the job I enjoyed before, full time, with full career progression. Even travelling if necessary. Doing intresting things, talking to intresting people ( and of course sometimes doing non interesting things and dealing with annoying people. A normal 40 hours week job rather than juggling multiple part time projects.  I see my son in the morning, drop him to his school and see him back around 7, just in time of dinner and bed. Meals, laundary, grocery shopping, and cleaning are all done by magical elves in this scenario 😏. The kid is picked up by a reliable babysitter or two who always turns up on time and preferably work for us for free 😁 while staying with us forever. The babysi...
Read more

Autism parenting & Trust

-
Image
 Today I want to write about something a bit heavier than usual. "Trust"... Recently someone sent me a video. It showed a child being restrained and beaten by a therapist in a therapy centre. Truly awful. I hope he’s in a really bad jail. And it brought up a question that sits quietly in the background of parenting: how do you trust someone with your child? This isn’t only a special needs parent problem. Every parent faces it at some point. Babies and toddlers can’t tell you if something is wrong. When we leave them with a babysitter or a nanny or a childcare centre, there’s always that moment of trust. If we keep them with us 24/7, then we have to trust ourselves — and anyone who has parented through exhaustion knows we’re not always operating at our best either. The reality is that most of us simply can’t do everything alone. I certainly can’t given my schedule. Sometimes I have to trust other people with my son. But the difference is that my son — despite being the exact s...
Read more

What If Kindness Was a Given?

-
Image
Imagine one morning, the kind of morning we’ve never known. When we wake up, and every person we come across is kind. The stranger, who usually rushes past without a glance, smiles instead, and in that smile,  You feel seen. You feel human, not invisible. The person ahead in the queue, who’s usually impatient, tapping their foot, checking their watch, turns, not with a frown, but with quiet understanding. They step aside, let you take your time, as if time is a thing meant to be shared, not hoarded. No rush. No hurry. Just space. The grumpy neighbor, always curt, always busy... We see him this time, for the first time, stroking a stray dog’s fur. His face softens, as if the years of hard edges are finally melting away, The weight of a thousand small frustrations dissolving in that simple act. The children, too... the ones who usually leave someone out, the ones who pass judgment on the shy kid.... today, they don’t. Instead, they invite. They pull the shy one in, with no pretense, ...
Read more