AUTISM: - REALLY THE REASON TO BID GOODBYE TO ALL RELATIONSHIPS?

 I recently came across an article regarding a study conducted to analyze the words used by the people in their last days, who eventually commit suicide. The most common word wasn’t sad,  angry or something even remotely close. It was “LONELY”. Seems like loneliness and Isolation are the feelings which eats up the soul of a person. 

It is also a feeling very common among parents and caregivers of autistic children.

 

A lot of people in our autism parent community including me, struggle with building relationships. Human relationships are complex ,Haruki Murakamii Once wrote “I am a flawed human Being….. Far more Flawed than you realize.”

Isn’t this true for us all. Human beings are fundamentally imperfect. But we all have a hard time accepting that.

We tend to be very tough on other people while easily forgiving ourselves. We see our own failures as sheer hard luck while chastising others failure as outright wrong or evil, we see our own efforts as the best we could do but fail to acknowledge the efforts in others. It’s true that our minds filled with preconceived notions and bias cannot be an impartial observer.

 

For people having children diagnosed with autism, this whole thing reaches a whole different level. Especially when our kids are young with only subtle signs and no diagnosis , relations with friends and extended family is almost ruined. 

               One hot word, One judgment, One mean look by them and whoosh.. Its ruined forever. 

What can help with the relationships is going back to your core values. Ask Yourself- What kind of parent, spouse, child, sibling do you want to be? What sort of relationships do you actually want to build? Are you your “ideal” self all the time? If no, isn’t expecting the same from surrounding people a bit too much to ask for. This no way means we have to tolerate abusive behavior of anyone towards you or your child. But being kind and forgiving is something we should learn. 

Remember the people around can be having their own set of challenges too. Acting out is something which can be made peace with. The other Person might be having a hard day at work , who knows he might be sleep deprived or going through a relationship trauma. Acting out in such a state is something totally humane. 

So is it about being thick skinned? 

No, not really.

 Have Faith in people. I know it is hard when You have a child with special needs. Trusting doesn't come naturally to an autism mom. Trust me I am still struggling with this😃😃. But we have to believe that goodness still exists in the world around and not everyone has bad intentions. Give some benefit of doubt and rethink before actually closing doors on someone forever. It's about accepting that galaxy isn’t evil and not all misfortunes are purposely sent your way by God......😊😊